I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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