I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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