I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Life is so much better after having sex.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Randomize
