Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
