sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize