i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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