I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
