thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
