Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
