I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
