Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize