If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
