Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
