Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
