I want to have your abortion
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
