I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
