it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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