Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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