I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
