can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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