Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
