i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
