I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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