So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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