Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
