I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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