well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
