this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize