I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
