did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
