I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
there is glitter all over my balls
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
