After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
