did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I am mentally ready for anal.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
