The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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