If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
