So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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