just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
