i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
