if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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