he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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