LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize