Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
