Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
