I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
