I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Duck Duck Cougar?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
