Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
