I just made out with a guy for $7.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
