What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
