so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
