No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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