That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
