youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
