Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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