I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
