My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
