While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
