I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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