I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
