I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
