I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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