If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
