I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
