Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
