Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
