so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
