Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
