yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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