Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
