..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
