i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
