He is an equal opportunity slut.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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