non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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