Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
