Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
