i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
