Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
