just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
