apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
