Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
