Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
