Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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