I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
