i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
