All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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