I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize