Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry doucheface hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(303): View more from Colorado

So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.

Fav 4 1444 835
share tweet
(804): View more from Virginia

don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you

(1-804): View more from Virginia

couldn't find a condom?

(804): View more from Virginia

basically

Fav 16 6241 1695
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(973): View more from New Jersey

just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.

Fav 16 4906 1406
share tweet
(715): View more from Wisconsin

I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever

Fav 3 1695 715
share tweet
(734): View more from Michigan

The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.

Fav 2 976 710
share tweet
(845): View more from New York

Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins

Fav 6 1648 844
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(303): View more from Colorado

If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you

(303): View more from Colorado

Seriously. Castrate.

Fav 4 837 1121
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(606): View more from Kentucky

You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.

Fav 2 503 865
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(906): View more from Michigan

He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...

Fav 0 16 40
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT