remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
