Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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