people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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