You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
