Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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