Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you win again, gameday.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
