It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
