She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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