I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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